Lent

One of the hardest things of life is to say NO to something you desire. That you long for.
Like for example to say NO to turn stones into bread after 40 days of fast (Temptation I. of Jesus Christ).
I don't want to compare my NO to such NO, but it was one of the hardest thing to say since a looooong time. There is no other choice in case of life danger. Life danger here means something, you desire to do but then it surly would destroy you, your life and the life of those who live around you. Then what? Ain't that easy to say NO, not even in these circumstances. Passion is deathly. It's just not easy at all, believe me. I've done it.

Catholics says, it is during the time of Lent that the biggest temptations are coming and found you. And they also say, that God tires those whom He loves. I could be ironic on this point, but I refuse to do it, as I know that He really loves me. And today I am deeply grateful and I praise the Lord as He let me to do the hardest decision of my life so easily I don't even feel it now. I am sure, tomorrow it will hit me, but I will stick to His will.

Then? How to avoid? Pull yourself out from the situation, turn away. And if you really desire the thing, acknowledge it's existence. Be aware of your longing, and be aware of your commitments. Be aware of the hurt that can come and stay with you till a lifetime, if you give in. Then cry, long, let your heart feel the loss. Say NO to save yourself from even more pain that you experienced during not being able to make your decision. Once the decision is made, it liberates your heart. Even if in first moment it seems to be a decision AGAINST your heart, you'll find, it was FOR your heart. And you will cry again. And again. Or maybe not.

Some people can do some things, some can't. It means, that according to our knowledge of life mysteries, we are allowed to do mistakes. But once we are aware of a certain thing, we better not commit that error, otherwise we'll call such a punishment on our head that we surely will know next time that we better watch our decisions if we want to avoid pain. And I mean here deep pain, that deep that you cannot imagine now. For example, I cannot let myself into any situations of serious lies and "games" that would fold the truth. Even if the temptation is super high, higher than ever imagined before, I have to resist, with all of my blood cells, with all of my heart beats. And it feels like a cut.

It feels bad, but still it feels less painful, than to let it grow and use me for its own shake (the passion itself, I mean). And now I fell my throat. Feels like it will hurt tomorrow, from some cold... I pray for forgiveness and love for the rest of Lent, and that Peace may come in our heart and God may guide us through this world.